I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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