I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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