Taylor Swift is so right about you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
