Can i not drive my cunt home
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
