you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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