can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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