all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
sarcasm needs its own font
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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