So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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