Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You can't motorboat a personality
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
