Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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