My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
