is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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