saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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