Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the day after is always just damage control
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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