Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
