We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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