Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
