it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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