I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
