I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Your cock deserves a montage
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
this is an emotional support booty call
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
