Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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