Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
