every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
