I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize