I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
