where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
