love makes seman taste better
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
