i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
