Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
