I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I want her autograph on my taint
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
