got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
