Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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