i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
