You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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