2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
