She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
