return my video game
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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