what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
