she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
