dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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