So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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