I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
