sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
