My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
