i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
