At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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