She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
