It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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