Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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