I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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