So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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