I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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