There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I believe in your delicious
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
