when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
