my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
